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2018-01-23T13:55:17.474Z
0
{"feed":"The-Daily-WTF","feedTitle":"The Daily WTF","feedLink":"/feed/The-Daily-WTF","catTitle":"Entertainment","catLink":"/cat/entertainment"}

"I appreciate that TIAA doesn't want to fully recognize that the country once known as Burma now calls itself Myanmar, but I don't think that this is the way to handle it," Bruce R. writes.

 

"MSI Installed an update - but I wonder what else it decided to update in the process? The status bar just kept going and going..." writes Jon T.

 

Paul J. wrote, "Apparently my occupation could be 'All Other Persons' on this credit card application!"

 

Geoff wrote, "So I need to commit the changes I didn't make, and my options are 'don't commit' or 'don't commit'?"

 

David writes, "This was after a 15 minute period where I watched a timer spin frantically."

 

"It's as if DealeXtreme says 'three stars, I think you meant to say FIVE stars'," writes Henry N.

 

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Adding assertions and sanity checks to your code is important, especially when you’re working in a loosely-typed language like JavaScript. Never assume the input parameters are correct, assert what they must be. Done correctly, they not only make your code safer, but also easier to understand.

Matthias’s co-worker… doesn’t exactly do that.

      function checkPriceRangeTo(x, min, max) {
        if (max == 0) {
          max = valuesPriceRange.max
        }
        min = Math.min(min, max);
        max = Math.max(min, max);
        x = parseInt(x)
        if (x == 0) {
          x = 50000
        }

        //console.log(x, 'min:', min, 'max:', max);
        return x >= min && x <= max
      }

This code isn’t bad, per se. I knew a kid, Marcus, in middle school that wore the same green sweatshirt every day, and had a musty 19th Century science textbook that...

During the few months after getting my BS and before starting my MS, I worked for a bank that held lots of securities - and gold - in trust for others. There was a massive vault with multiple layers of steel doors, iron door grates, security access cards, armed guards, and signature comparisons (live vs pre-registered). It was a bit unnerving to get in there, so deep below ground, but once in, it looked very much like the Fort Knox vault scene in Goldfinger.

At that point, PCs weren't yet available to the masses and I had very little exposure to mainframes. I had been hired as an assistant to one of their drones who had been assigned to find all of the paper-driven-changes that had gone awry and get their books up to date.

To this end, I spent about a month talking to everyone involved in taking a customer order to take or transfer ownership of something, and processing the ledger entries to reflect the transaction. From this, I drew a simple flow chart, listing each task, the person(s) responsible, and the possible decision tree at each point.

Then I went back to each person and asked them to list all the things that could and did go wrong with transaction processing at their junction in the flow.

What had been essentially straight-line processing with a few small decision branches, turned out to be enough to fill a 30 foot long by...

At the end of 2016, Ian S. accepted a contract position at a large medical conglomerate. He was joining a team of 6 developers on a project to automate what was normally a 10,000-hour manual process of cross-checking spreadsheets and data files. The end result would be a Django server offering a RESTful API and MySQL backend.

"You probably won't be doing anything much for the first week, maybe even the first month," Ian's interviewer informed him.

Ian ignored the red flag and accepted the offer. He needed the experience, and the job seemed reasonable enough. Besides, there were only 2 layers of management to deal with: his boss Daniel, who led the team, and his boss' boss Jim.

The office was in an lavish downtown location. The first thing Ian learned was that nobody had assigned desks. Each day, everyone had to clean out their desks and return their computers and peripherals to lockers. Because team members needed to work closely together, everyone claimed the same desk every day anyway. This policy only resulted in frustration and lost time.

As if that weren't bad enough, the computers were also heavily locked down. Ian had to go through the company's own "app store" to install anything. This was followed by an approval process that could take a few days based on how often Jim went through his pending...

In the process of resolving a ticket, Pedro C found this representative line, which has nothing to do with the bug he was fixing, but was just something he couldn’t leave un-fixed:

$categories = (isset($categoryMap[$product['department']]) ?
                            (isset($categoryMap[$product['department']][$product['classification']])
                                        ?
                                    $categoryMap[$product['department']][$product['classification']]
                                        : NULL) : NULL);

Yes, the venerable ternary expression, used once again to obfuscate and confuse.

It took Pedro a few readings before he even understood what it did, and then it took him a few more readings to wonder about why anyone would solve the problem this way. Then, he fixed it.

$department = $product['department'];
$classification = $product['classification'];
$categories = NULL;
//ED: isset never triggers as error with...

"Good news! I can get my order shipped anywhere I want...So long as the city is named Hamilton," Daniel wrote.

 

"I might have forgotten my username, but at least I didn't forget to change the email template code in Production," writes Paul T.

 

Jamie M. wrote, "Using Lee Hecht Harrison's job search functionality is very meta."

 

"When I decided to go to Cineworld, wasn't sure what I wanted to watch," writes Andy P., "The trailer for 'System Restore' looks good, but it's got a bad rating on Rotten Tomatoes."

 

Mattias writes, "I get the feeling that Visual Studio really doesn't like this error."

 

"While traveling in Philadelphia's airport, I was pleased to see Macs competing in the dumb error category too," Ken L. writes.

 

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Guy’s eight-person team does a bunch of computer vision (CV) stuff. Guy is the “framework Guy”: he doesn’t handle the CV stuff so much as provide an application framework to make the CV folks lives easy. It’s a solid division of labor, with one notable exception: Richard.

Richard is a Computer Vision Researcher, head of the CV team. Guy is a mere “code monkey”, in Richard’s terms. Thus, everything Richard does is correct, and everything Guy does is “cute” and “a nice attempt”. That’s why, for example, Richard needed to take a method called readFile() and turn it into readFileHandle(), “for clarity”.

The code is a mix of C++ and Python, and much of the Python was written before Guy’s time. While the style in use doesn’t fit PEP–8 standards (the official Python style), Guy has opted to follow the in use standards, for consistency. This means some odd things, like putting a space before the colons:

    def readFile() :
      # do stuff

Which Richard felt the need to comment on in his code:

    def readFileHandle() : # I like the spaced out :'s, these are cute =]

There’s no “tone of voice” in code, but the use of “=]” instead of a more conventional smile emoticon is a clear sign that Richard is truly a monster. The other key sign is that Richard has taken an… unusual approach to object-oriented programming. When tasked with writing up an object, he...

Greenwich must think they’re so smart, being on the prime meridian. Starting in the 1840s, the observatory was the international standard for time (and thus vital for navigation). And even when the world switched to UTC, GMT is only different from that by 0.9s. If you want to convert times between time zones, you do it by comparing against UTC, and you know what?

I’m sick of it. Boy, I wish somebody would take them down a notch. Why is a tiny little strip of London so darn important?

Evan’s co-worker obviously agrees with the obvious problem of Greenwich’s unearned superiority, and picks a different town to make the center of the world: Halifax.

function time_zone_time($datetime, $time_zone, $savings, $return_format="Y-m-d g:i a"){
        date_default_timezone_set('America/Halifax');
        $time = strtotime(date('Y-m-d g:i a', strtotime($datetime)));
        $halifax_gmt = -4;
        $altered_tdf_gmt = $time_zone;
        if ($savings && date('I', $time) == 1) {
                $altered_tdf_gmt++;
        } // end if
        if(date('I') == 1){
                $halifax_gmt++;
        }
       ...

There are two ways of accumulating experience in our profession. One is to spend many years accumulating and mastering new skills to broaden your skill set and ability to solve more and more complex problems. The other is to repeat the same year of experience over and over until you have one year of experience n times.

Anon took the former path and slowly built up his skills, adding to his repertoire with each new experience and assignment. At his third job, he encountered The Man, who took the latter path.

If you wanted to execute a block of code once, you have several options. You could just put the code in-line. You could put it in a function and call said function. You could even put it in a do { ... } while (false); construct. The Man would do as below because it makes it easier and less error prone to comment out a block of code:

  Boolean flag = true;
  while (flag) {
    flag = false;
    // code>
    break;
  }

The Man not only built his own logging framework (because you can't trust the ones out there), but he demanded that every. single. function. begin and end with:

  Log.methodEntry("methodName");
  ...
  Log.methodExit("methodName");

...because in a multi-threaded environment, that won't flood the logs with all sorts of confusing and mostly useless log statements. Also, he would routinely use this construct in places where the logging system...

Starting with the film Saw, in 2004, the “torture porn” genre started to seep into the horror market. Very quickly, filmmakers in that genre learned that they could abandon plot, tension, and common sense, so long as they produced the most disgusting concepts they could think of. The game of one-downsmanship arguably reached its nadir with the conclusion of The Human Centipede trilogy. Yes, they made three of those movies.

This aside into film critique is because Greg found the case of a “JavaScript Centipede”: the refuse from one block of code becomes the input to the next block.

function dynamicallyLoad(win, signature) {
    for (var i = 0; i < this.addList.length; i++) {
        if (window[this.addList[i].object] != null)
            continue;
        var object = win[this.addList[i].object];
        if (this.addList[i].type == 'function' || typeof (object) == 'function') {
            var o = String(object);
            var body = o.substring(o.indexOf('{') + 1, o.lastIndexOf('}'))
                .replace(/\\/g, "\\\\").replace(/\r/g, "\\n")
          ...

Robert K. wrote, "Let's just keep this error between us and never speak of it again."

 

"Not only does this web developer have a full-time job, but he's also got way more JQuery than the rest of us. So much, in fact, he's daring us to remove it," writes Mike H.

 

"Come on and get your Sample text...sample text here...", wrote Eric G.

 

Jan writes, "I just bought a new TV. Overall, it was a wonderful experience. So much so that I might become a loyal customer. Or not."

 

"Finally. It's time for me to show off my CAPTCHA-solving artistic skills!" Christoph writes.

 

Nils P. wrote, "Gee thanks, Zoho. I thought I'd be running out of space soon!"

 

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Thanks to Hired, we’ve got the opportunity to bring you another little special project- Legacy Hardware. Hold on tight for a noir-thriller that dares to ask the question: “why does everything in our organization need to talk to an ancient mainframe?” Also, it’s important to note, Larry Ellison really does have a secret lair on a volcanic island in Hawaii.

Once again, special thanks to Hired, who not only helped us produce this sketch, but also helps keep us keep the site running. With Hired, instead of applying for jobs, your prospective employer will apply to interview you. You get placed in control of your job search, and Hired provides a “talent advocate” who can provide unbiased career advice and make sure you put your best foot forward. Sign up now, and find the best opportunities for your future with Hired

Thanks to director Zane Cook, Michael Shahen and Sam Agosto. And of course, extra special thanks to our star, Molly Arthur.

Thanks to Academy Pittsburgh for the office location!


For the video averse, also enjoy the script, which isn't exactly what ended up on camera:

Setting: 3 “different” interrogation rooms, which are quite obviously the same room, with minor decorative changes.

Time: Present day

Characters:
Cassie - young, passionate,...

"Troy! Troy!"

Troy looked up from his keyboard with a frown as his coworker Cassie skidded to a halt, panting for breath. "Yes?"

"How soon can you get that new client converted?" Cassie asked. "We're at DEFCON 1 in ops. We need to be running yesterday!"

Troy's frown only deepened. "I told you, I've barely had a chance to peek at their old system."

The client was hoping to convert sometime in the next month—usually no big deal, as they'd just have to schedule a date, write a handful of database conversion scripts, and swing the domains to a fresh instance of their own booking software. It was that middle step that Troy hadn't gotten to. With no go-live date picked, working on new features seemed a higher priority.

Cassie had been spouting doom-and-gloom predictions all month: the client's in-house solution read like mid-1990s code despite being written in 2013. She'd been convinced it was a house of cards ready to collapse at any minute. Apparently, she'd been right.

"Okay, slow down. Where's the fire?" It wasn't that Troy didn't believe her per se, but when he'd skimmed the database, he hadn't seen anything spectacularly bad. Even if the client was down, their data could be converted easily. It wasn't his responsibility to maintain their old system, just to get them to the new one. "Is this a data problem?"

"They're getting...

You may remember “Harry Peckhard’s ALM” suite from a bit back, but did you know that Harry Peckhard makes lots of other software packages and hardware systems? For example, the Harry Peckhard enterprise division releases an “Intelligent Management Center” (IMC).

How intelligent? Well, Sam N had a co-worker that wanted to use a very long password, like “correct horse battery staple”, but but Harry’s IMC didn’t like long passwords. While diagnosing, Sam found some JavaScript in the IMC’s web interface that provides some of the stongest encreption possible.

function encreptPassWord(){
    var orginPassText =$("#loginForm\\:password").val();
    //encrept the password

    var ciphertext = encode64(orginPassText);
    console.info('ciphertext:', ciphertext);

    $("#loginForm\\:password").val(ciphertext);
};

This is code that was released, in a major enterprise product, from a major vendor in the space.

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Happy New Year! Put that hangover on hold, as we return to an entirely different kind of headache, back on the "Galapagos". -- Remy

About two years ago, we took a little trip to the Galapagos- a tiny, isolated island where processes and coding practices evolved… a bit differently. Calvin, as an invasive species, brought in new ways of doing things- like source control, automated builds, and continuous integration- and changed the landscape of the island forever.

Or so it seemed, until the first hiccup. Shortly after putting all of the code into source control and automating the builds, the application started failing in production. Specifically, the web service calls out to a third party web service for a few operations, and those calls universally failed in production.

“Now,” Hank, the previous developer and now Calvin’s supervisor, “I thought you said this should make our deployments more reliable. Now, we got all these extra servers, and it just plumb don’t work.”

“We’re changing processes,” Calvin said, “so a glitch could happen easily. I’ll look into it.”

“Looking into it” was a bit more of a challenge than it should have been. The code was a pasta-golem: a gigantic monolith of spaghetti. It had no automated tests, and wasn’t structured in a way that made it easy to test. Logging was nonexistent.

Still, Calvin’s changes to the organization helped. For starters, there was a brand new test server he could use...

This personal tale from Snoofle has all of my favorite ingredients for a WTF: legacy hardware, creative solutions, and incompetent management. We'll be running one more "Best Of…" on New Years Day, and then back to our regularly scheduled programming… mostly--Remy

At the very beginning of my career, I was a junior programmer on a team that developed software to control an electronics test station, used to diagnose problems with assorted components of jet fighters. Part of my job was the requisite grunt work of doing the build, which entailed a compile-script, and the very manual procedure of putting all the necessary stuff onto a boot-loader tape to be used to build the 24 inch distribution disk arrays.

source

This procedure ran painfully slowly; it took about 11 hours to dump a little more than 2 MB from the tape onto the target disk, and nobody could tell me why. All they knew was that the official software had to be used to load the bootstrap routine, and then the file dumps.

After killing 11 hour days with the machine for several months, I had had it; I didn't get my MS to babysit some machine. I tracked down the source to the boot loader software, learned the assembly language in which it was written and slogged through it to find the problem.

The cause was that it was checking for 13 devices that could theoretically be hooked up to...

This particular article originally ran in two parts, giving us a surprise twist ending (the surprise being… well, just read it!) -- Remy

One of the most important aspects of software QA is establishing a good working relationship with developers. If you want to get them to take your bug reports seriously, you have to approach them with the right attitude. If your bugs imply that their work is shoddy, they are likely to fight back on anything you submit. If you continuously submit trivial “bugs”, they will probably be returned right away with a “not an issue” or “works as designed” status. If you treat any bug like it’s a critical showstopper, they will think you’re crying wolf and not immediately jump on issues that actually are critical.

Then there’s people like Mr. Green, a former coworker of submitter Darren A., that give QA a bad name. The Mr. Greens of the QA world are so incompetent that their stupidity can cause project delays, rack up thousands of dollars in support costs, and cause a crapstorm between managers. Mr. Green once ran afoul of Darren’s subordinate Cathy, lead developer on the project Mr. Green was testing.

Cathy was en route to the United States from London for a customer visit when her phone exploded with voicemail notifications immediately upon disabling...

We all dread the day we end up getting dragged, kicking and screaming, out of our core competencies and forced to be a manager. This is one of those stories. -- Remy

She'd resisted the call for years. As a senior developer, Makoto knew how the story ended: one day, she'd be drafted into the ranks of the manager, forswearing her true love webdev. She knew she'd eventually succumb, but she'd expected to hold out for a few years before she had to decide if she were willing to change jobs to avoid management.

But when her boss was sacked unexpectedly, mere weeks after the most senior dev quit, she looked around and realized she was holding the short straw. She was the most senior. Even if she didn't put in for the job, she'd be drafted into acting as manager while they filled the position.

This is the story of her first day on the job.

Makoto spent the weekend pulling together a document for their external contractors, who'd been plaguing the old boss with questions night and day— in Spanish, no less. Makoto made sure to document as clearly as she could, but the docs had to be in English; she'd taken Japanese in high school for an easy A. She sent it over first thing Monday morning, hoping to have bought herself a couple of days to...

As this is a holiday week, per our usual tradition, we're revisiting some of the most popular articles from the year. We start with The Second Factor, a tale of security gone wrong. -- Remy

Famed placeholder company Initech is named for its hometown, Initown. Initech recruits heavily from their hometown school, the University of Initown. UoI, like most universities, is a hidebound and bureaucratic institution, but in Initown, that’s creating a problem. Initown has recently seen a minor boom in the tech sector, and now the School of Sciences is setting IT policy for the entire university.

Derek manages the Business School’s IT support team, and thus his days are spent hand-holding MBA students through how to copy files over to a thumb drive, and babysitting professors who want to fax an email to the department chair. He’s allowed to hire student workers, but cannot fire them. He’s allowed to purchase consumables like paper and toner, but has to beg permission for capital assets like mice and keyboards. He can set direction and provide input to software purchase decisions, but he also has to continue to support the DOS version of WordPerfect because one professor writes all their papers using it.

One day, to his surprise, he received a notification from the Technology Council, the administrative board that set IT policy across the...

It’s Christmas, and thus technically too late to actually go caroling. Like any good project, we’ve delivered close enough to the deadline to claim success, but late enough to actually be useless for this year!

Still, enjoy some holiday carols specifically written for our IT employees. Feel free to annoy your friends and family for the rest of the day.

Push to Prod (to the tune of Joy To the World)

Joy to the world,
We’ve pushed to prod,
Let all,
record complaints,
“This isn’t what we asked you for,”
“Who signed off on these requirements,”
“Rework it,” PMs sing,
“Rework it,” PMs sing,
“Work over break,” the PMs sing.


Backups (to the tune of Deck the Halls)

Back the system up to tape drives,
Fa la la la la la la la la,
TAR will make the tape archives,
Fa la la la la la la la la,
Recov'ry don't need no testing,
Fa la la la la la la la la la,
Pray it works upon requesting,
Fa la la la la la la la la


Ode to CSS (to the tune of Silent Night)

Vertical height,
Align to the right,
CSS,
Aid my fight,
Round the corners,
Flattened design,
!important,
Please work this time,
It won't work in IE,
Never in goddamn IE


The Twelve Days of The Holiday Shift (to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas)

On my nth day of helpdesk, the ticket sent to me:
12 write arms leaping
11 Trojans dancing
10 bosses griping
9 fans not humming
8 RAIDs not...