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So I saw this online and Hailey looked at it and said, “I’d take #9 three times because then I could use my billion dollars to get most of the other things” and I question her math skills but gave … Continue reading
You know how Amazon recommends stuff to you based on stuff you’ve bought or liked?  Well, here are a few things Amazon thought I’d like this month: A pillow with the words “HORSE PENIS” on it. It comes in eight … Continue reading
I bought a lipstick at the drugstore but when I got to the car to try it on I couldn’t  pull the lid off so I tried using my teeth but there were two guys sitting in a truck next … Continue reading
A series of unrelated things to catch you up on: 1. Apparently there was thing years ago where people replaced the vowels in their names with “oodle” and I guess I missed it but from now on please refer to … Continue reading
In the last week a series of weird things happened and it’s hard to for me to write right now because there are a million (4) people in my house tearing out cabinets and walls because of the flood damage … Continue reading
Hailey: Today we’re performing our play in front of the school. me:  McBeth? Hailey:  MOM.  YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY THAT WORD. me:  Which word?  McBeth? Hailey:  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  It’s considered very bad luck to say the name of … Continue reading
First off, Dorothy Barker has recovered from her allergic reaction and I have recovered from accidentally eating one of her dog pills because I couldn’t split it in half so I used my teeth.  I figured I would either get … Continue reading
I was going to write a very funny post today but I took Dorothy Barker to the vet for her annual shots and she had a very severe allergic reaction to one of them and the vet has been observing … Continue reading
First up… Secondly, it’s weird how many of you asked for a “Long-distance diarrhea sorcerer” t-shirt.  Mainly because I’m not sure how it doesn’t already exist.  But it does now. Third, I’m going to Book People this weekend to sign … Continue reading
Apparently Furiously Happy is in Turkish now because I just got a copy of a Turkish psychology article about it, but I don’t read Turkish so I put part of it into Google translate and it gave me this: I’m … Continue reading
me: What did you get me for Valentine’s Day? Victor:  Nothing.  What did you get me? me:  ALSO NOTHING.  This is why we make such a good couple.  Because we get matching gifts for each other literally without even trying. … Continue reading
You know when several people send you a link to something on Facebook and you go to check it out and it’s someone complaining about having her posts plagiarized by someone else and you’re like, “I feel you, sister.  That … Continue reading
Hello and welcome to the third annual Booksgiving Day! What is “Booksgiving Day?”  It’s a day to celebrate the magic of reading and to collectively give the stink-eye to people who don’t understand that no, you don’t actually want to … Continue reading
So last week I wrote about a free 14-foot-tall-baby on craigslist and I was totally in but then I realized that I had to go to New York to pick up the baby in person and Victor won’t even let … Continue reading
I’ve been stuck lately. Sickness and chronic pain and anxiety and assorted bullshit.  But today I felt human.  Enough to take a shower and leave the house and go write in this tumble-down shack I love…where I can feel like … Continue reading
I recovered from the flu (HELL YES) just in time to have debilitating lower back spasms (WTF?) and after a few days of pretending it wasn’t real I finally went to the doctor and she gave me muscle relaxers and … Continue reading
me:  Hey.  Hear me out and keep an open mind, okay?  I want a baby. Victor:  Who are you and what have you done with my wife? me: It’s a 14 foot foam baby on craigslist. Victor:  Oh.  There you … Continue reading
Day 4 of the flu and I’m feeling almost human except for fever dreams and the tamiflu making me want throw up but Victor thinks maybe it’s also making me insane because I paused that Harry Potter movie where Harry … Continue reading
I’m too tired to type so here’s what’s happening now: Have you had this flu?  If so, what helped? Going to sleep on the couch and have fever dreams now.  Please send cat pictures.
I saw that Winnie the Pooh was trending on twitter and my first thought was that he was dead and then I realized that was insane and my next thought was that he must’ve said something racist or sexually harassed … Continue reading