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2018-04-24T06:42:16.668Z
0
{"feed":"Shut-Up-Run","feedTitle":"Shut Up + Run","feedLink":"/feed/Shut-Up-Run","catTitle":"Fitness","catLink":"/cat/fitness"}
I've been thinking a lot about the concept of discomfort lately. Somewhere along the line, most of us got it into our heads that it is wrong to be uncomfortable.

I see it in kids these days - how being tired or sick or stressed or hungry or full or constipated or bloated sends them into a tailspin of bitchiness, complaining and victim-hood. Whatever happened to grittiness and sucking it up? What ever happened to experiencing forms of suffering and not falling apart into a puddle of despair and it's-the-end-of-the-worldness? I mean I walked naked 45 miles to school everyday as a child and never once complained.

Then I take a hard look at myself and I do the same thing as those damn kids. I don't like to be uncomfortable. This being the case, why the hell have I chosen to be a runner? As we know, running is highly torturous at times what with all of the sweating, cramping, heavy breathing, fatigue and shitting of one's pants. No, not every run is like this - some are amazingly uneventful and smooth, but as a general rule - to run is to suffer to some extent.

Watching Desi push through horrendous conditions to win Boston on Monday (after she thought of dropping out at mile 6!), really hit home. She accepted the conditions and never looked back, literally. How can I get some of that grit? Truth is, while most of us will never ever...
Back in 2015, like lots of you, I picked up the book Fast Girl by Suzy Favor Hamilton. I didn't know about Suzy's running history much except that she was an Olympian, but I was intrigued by the scandal she puts forth in the book about her "secret" life as a high end Las Vegas Escort.



It's a book you can't put down, purely for the fact that here's a three time Olympian middle distance runner who has a five year old child with her husband Mark (by then they had been married for 13  years) and becomes a high class hooker (you can say "escort" but we all know what that really means). Her clientele were rich, famous and powerful men.

All the while, her husband knew what she was doing and felt powerless to stop her, although he remained in the marriage. Suzy's Vegas persona was Kelly Lundy, a beautiful and seductive woman who was hyper-sexualized, fueled by drugs and alcohol. Yet, she remained "Suzy" to her thousands of fans and sponsors (Clairol, Reebok and Pert Shampoo to name a few) and continued to make appearances at the Rock 'n Roll Marathons and other running events/venues. It's like a troubled Lifetime movie, only better.




Finally, the Smoking Gun outed her...
On Sunday I completed my first island to island swim in the West Indies, specifically from the island of Nevis to the island of St. Kitts (the Nevis to St. Kitts Cross Channel Swim). It's about 2.5 miles (4400 yds/4023 meters). Do you even know where Nevis is? Most people don't...



Here's the story:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have no clue how long I've been out here, but it feels like an eternity (okay, that's a bit dramatic, but it does feel like at least two episodes of This Is Us). Somehow standing on the shore and looking across the channel to St. Kitts didn't look that daunting. But, looks are deceiving. And, most of the time, objects (aka islands) are further away than they appear. I keep having to pinch myself that I am actually swimming in the crystal turquoise blue of the Caribbean. I see no resemblance to my indoor chlorinated pool at home with its floating hairballs and band-aids.



I am struggling to move forward with these waves, this current. The swells have my not-usually-seasick stomach feeling kind of pukey. Unintentionally taking in swigs of salty sea water does not help. I try not to remind myself that...
Running has changed me. I fart in public unabashedly. I can aim a snot rocket like no one's business. My thighs don't fit into my jeans. And, my idea of a fun Saturday morning is running for three hours in the wilderness. So, not surprisingly, there are many things I now say that I never would have said a few years ago before I was a runner. Here are a few: "Did you remember to put lube on your nipples/balls/inner thighs?""I can't wait to pay $100 to wake up at 3am and run 26.2 miles.""I guess if I pee myself I'll just rinse it off with water at the next aid station."What do you mean your GPS says you ran 9.91 miles? Run until you hit 10 bitch!""No I don't think $150 is too much to spend on (running) shoes."I'm not leaving the house for a run until I poop.""Why bother with underwear? These shorts/tights have a lining.""Two of my toenails just fell off.""No, I'm not jogging, asshole""I cannot get a fucking satellite.""I think it makes sense to run for 50 or 100 miles.""My tampon fell out at mile 12.""I don't care how nasty that porta potty is. It's better than shitting myself."SUAR
You know what over-used expression I hate (among so many others like, "at the end of the day" and "my bad" and "sorry not sorry")? This is the one I cannot stand: "Stick a fork in me, I'm done." I think it's because it's so cheesy and dumb. But, for some reason on yesterday's 8 mile run I could not get that eff'ing phrase out of my head.

Because by yesterday I was SO SO done with running, much like that turkey on Christmas Vacation that Clark cut open and it was just a pile of disintegrating bones (although I do recall that Aunt Bethany liked it).

Save the neck for me, Clark!





















Maybe I'm just a pussy, but this ultra training is hard for me. Lots of back to back intense runs and I've been throwing in swimming in there to get ready for my race upcoming on Sunday. Here's what last week looked like.

Monday: Hike 4 miles (1,100 vertical)
Tuesday: Run 5, steady (200 vertical)
Wednesday: Run 9, with 3-4 miles at tempo (459 vertical)
Thursday: 6.5 miles, hill workout (500 vertical)
Friday: Swim 3,500 yards (2 miles)
Saturday: Run 15, trails (2,800 feet...
I went to a "happy hour" at a running store in Golden, CO last week all focused on the Golden Gate Dirty Thirty (50K) that I'm running in June (happy hour to runners = free craft beer, kale salad, gear reviews and lots of race talk). This will be my first ultra. I learned three important facts:

1. This is the second hardest 50K in the nation (probably due to vertical gain and technical conditions - 7,250 vertical gain. lots of single track with the highest peak reached at mile 26. Ouch)

2. An award is given ($100) to who is the bloodiest and most torn up at the end (I think I'll bring some ketchup and a butter knife just to jack myself up. $100 buys a lot of chardonnay).

3. All first timers are given a green shirt to wear. Volunteers are specifically instructed to not let the newbies quit (they probably threaten them with a butter knife).

You all know I'm not afraid of a good challenge, so bring it on. Any race that has a sign like this (taken at last year's race) is my kind of race. Yes, I just may be that one out of 100.


But, I will tell you that I am going to train my ass off to make this race go as well as possible. This week was #6 of 18 training weeks. And it...
I am not good at too many things. I can't play a musical instrument (quit the flute in 6th grade, something about all that practicing when the Love Boat and Fantasy Island were on) and I have absolutely no rhythm when it comes to dancing (although I still do it a lot in public, sorry Ken and all of my friends and family). I could never get the hang of knitting and the last time I skied (like REALLY skied) I broke my wrist and had to be carried down the mountain on the stretcher of shame.
But, running? Well, that's something I can do reasonably well. And, it turns out - many of us runners are not only skilled at running. The truth is, most runners have multiple talents that range from drinking while running to over-sharing. Here are 10 things runners do better than most people:
  1. Spending lots of money to get up at the ass crack of dawn, run really far, suffer and get a dry bagel at the end. This is also known as a race entry fee. While it might seem crazy to non-runners, runners generally love to attend races and will pay a hefty fee to do so.

  2. Knowing weird distances. Runners can tell you the exact distance from their house to the nearest lake, the 7-11 or the closest trail head. A specialty is also knowing where any and all public restrooms are. Preferably clean and heated.
If you thought I was going to discuss gun laws or the Trump Presidency or whether or not Nutella is the nectar of the gods, you've come to the wrong place. I avoid these type of controversial items like the plague. It's not that I don't have opinions - oh, sisters and brothers I do. It's just that they are my personal opinions and I doubt you come to this here blog to read about them.

Btw, I don't really like Nutella. Go ahead. Send me hate mail. Oh, and almond butter? Not quite my thing either. Go ahead. Punch me in the nuts.

Here's what I need to get off my chest. Confession time.

I am training to do the Nevis to St. Kitts Cross Channel swim on March 25. It is 2.5 miles, which equals exactly 4,400 yards, which is precisely 176 lengths in a 25 yard pool. For the love of GOD. I would rather eat four jars of Nutella while watching curling in the Olympics than swim back and forth one hundred seventy six times! Don't get me wrong. I love swimming. Just not so much in a pool staring at that black line and counting the band aids on the pool bottom.  Today I swam back and forth 88 times. I am a warrior.


I ran a race this weekend called the Old Man Winter Rally. I'm not sure why it's called that because I didn't see any old men rallying or anything. It was only 5.4 miles, but it was on slippery, snow packed roads and trails. This made it feel about 4x harder than it normally would have felt.

I really wanted to place in my age group so I pushed to the BF (Barf Phase). You've been there - it's the zone that a runner enters when he/she has exerted her/himself so much that they are on the verge of spewing their breakfast everywhere. I never actually SPEW (because we emetaphobes would never do that), but the feeling is REAL.

This is before the race (aka before BF):

Couples who match their shirts and bibs stay married for 22+ years
All of this to say, one thing that helps me during races is music. I find that not only am I faster with music, but I can stay more motivated.

I know there are people who disagree - who think that if you run with music you are weak or somehow not in tune with your breathing and body. Whatever with those people. I happen to like it. That said, I only...
At the end of December I decided I wanted to do a run streak for the month of January. No real reason why except that life was kind of stale and boring and I wanted to do something different.

I had never done a streak before because - 1) I was afraid of getting injured, and 2) I had no desire to run every single day. But for 31 days I figured I could do anything (it actually ended up being 32 days because on day 32 I had a speed workout to do from my training plan).



I'm not acting all cool like I'm the only one to ever have done a running streak. I realize many of you have done streaks and for much longer than 32 days. High five to you, you person who is better than me. I just wanted to tell my story. My blog. My story.

Stats:

Days run: 32
Miles run: 134
Average miles per day: 4.2
Longest run: 7.9
Shortest run: 2.0
Days ran outside: 30/32
Coldest run: 8 degrees
Weight lost: No idea, I don't weigh myself. Probably one ounce.
Times squatted in bushes: 3


The Good:

When you know you are going to do something every day, you don't play any mind games with yourself. Despite colder than a witch's tit weather,...
Before we jump into running related stuff -

Do you watch This Is Us? I realize this is the trendy and emotionally manipulating show that makes people sob their eyes out and eat cartons of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough, or in my case, drink a bottle of wine but................it gets that attention for a reason. I happen to think it's kind of brilliant the way they weave story lines together. And, I love watching it with Emma because it's the only time we cry together when it's not about her missing curfew or doing other teenage bullshit.

So, if you watched this week's episode - am I the only one who frantically checked all appliances (especially the killer crock pot!), candles, etc before going to bed? Because now we know how/why Jack is going to die. And, while I adore Jack, now we know the DOG DIES too and that's enough to send me over the edge. I did have to laugh at this tweet though:



Moving on. I did something this week. Hint:



Yep, signed up for my first 50k. That seems to be the progression in the running world.

1. start runing
2. do marathon or a few
3. try to BQ
4. run Boston
I have run for 18 days in a row. This means I am streaking (running everyday). Unfortunately, I am not "double streaking." That is a term I made up for when you run every day, naked. I am not doing this for two reasons. Number one, no one wants to see that, and number two, I would freeze my titties off (or what exists of them).I decided to do a run streak for the month of January - 31 days. My made-up rules are:
  • I have to run at least a mile a day (I've been averaging 4-5 miles per day)
  • I will not run if I think I'm injured
  • I will run in all sorts of weather or resort to the wheel of torture (treadmill) 
  • I will run if I have a cold, period, but not a fever, flu, explosive diarrhea, projectile vomit, etc. Simple enough!

I've never done a streak before because I really didn't feel like it. Running every day is a commitment. Plus, I was always afraid I'd get injured. Well, so far so good. Thanks for asking.I've been chronicling my running and other stupid stuff (my pets, me eating Tide pods - jk - not funny) on my Instagram story- HERE. Join the fun!Last week I ran about 33 miles total. Here I am:
I very much realize it's a faux pas to put up resolution stuff on January 3. I never said I was punctual. But, these resolutions should be so effortless, you'll barely have to think about them. Read on.


1. Do not sign up for races when you have had more than two cocktails.

2. Only eat white snow while on long runs.3. Do not be as fast as Shalane Flanagan - because everyone needs to have one achievable resolution.4. Avoid hitting the wall in your next race by actually following the training plan.5. Resist the urge to punch someone in the face just because they tell you for the 99th time that running is bad for your knees.6. Remember to actually strength and cross train instead of just reading a million articles about how important it is and never doing it.7. Stop apologizing every time you get a pedicure and your toenail falls off...
I think it's a good idea to make your kids do things they don't want to do. It builds character.

For example, make them clean up all the dog poop and if they don't, make them eat it (jk). Make them work and make their own money and budget. Make them talk to their own teachers and advocate for themselves without you stepping in to save them. Make them write thank you notes. Oh, and make them climb this.

This used to be a cable car track (1900s) that took material up to Pike's Peak for the pipeline.The railroad ties now make up this massive staircase, climbing 2,000 feet in less than a mile.
I didn't ask for a lot for Christmas (my list was so random - 8 lb hand weights, Run Fat East Slow Cookbook and a fleece pullover from Yo Colorado.  And, one other thing - for our family to do the Manitou Incline. Ken and I had actually been wanting to do this for awhile - the kids not so much. It sucks to have parents who actually like to be outside doing things. 

Sam: So, let me get this straight. We're going to drive two hours to be tortured then drive two hours home?

Basically. Kids are...
This morning has started out beautifully! I overslept because I wore earplugs last night and was completely dead to the world as I dreamed about being in Costa Rica and at the same time hating my car insurance carrier (weird how dreams mix all kinds of shit up that just DOES NOT go together).

I got up 14 minutest late and took Heidi out back for her walk. Leaving our yard, the gate completely fell off its hinges, so I just propped it up, figuring someone would take care of it someday (best to ignore things and they go away).

Can anyone come over today and weld this for me? 

Heidi and I got out to the golf course where she left a humongous pile of poop. It was then I realized I forgot a doggie bag (I was still asleep when I left the house, basically). I was in full view of many houses and didn't want to just leave the poop at the tenth tee. So, I did what anyone in that situation does and got a stick and kebab-ed the poop and threw it in the creek. Fish food!

Never tell me I am not creative.

I came inside to Emma telling me it was hat day at school - she...
My son, Sam, was home from college for the weekend. He likes to come home because he misses me so much. Or, maybe it's because I feed him and provide him with a bed that has clean sheets (I think he told me has not yet changed his sheets on his college bed - I mean, it has only been three months since he got there so it's not like they're dirty or anything. It's not like there's B.O. and pieces of skin and drool all over them or anything).



Anyhow, I asked him if he was working out anymore. He used to go to the gym pretty regularly. He said, "No. It's just so hard to get over the hump mentally to get started again." And, I completely know what he means. The thing is, that's precisely why I never take a significant break from running or exercise. Because I'm afraid if I'm gone too long and I get out of the habit, it will be that much harder to start up again.

What I've learned is that there are two things in life that are really tough (well, there are many more, but these are just two of them): breaking bad habits and starting new, healthier habits.

Take drinking wine, for example. I am very much in the habit of nightly wine drinking, for...
If you thought I was going to discuss religion or politics - you would be mistaken! I won't touch those subjects with a ten foot pole. Or, my finger toe.

Morton's toes rule! So do pedicures, but clearlyI'm out of the loop on that one.Over the years I've realized there are things I like and hate that seem to completely go against the grain of civilization. Maybe this is true for everyone, I don't know. But, sometimes I feel like an oddball with my preferences. Don't know what I'm talking about? Read on.

1. I cannot run with a hand held bottle. I know I should, but it just feels wrong to me, like it throws me off balance. And, I hate running with anything in my hands. I know if I continue doing trail races and eventually ultras, I should probably get the hang of it, but for now it's just not my thing. I always go for my Hydraquiver from Orange Mud.



First let's talk about yesterday.


Did anyone else turn into one giant crying goose bump as she ran into the finish? Or, was it just me? You know you really love running when you cannot get enough of watching someone with such perfect form and stride run. I could literally watch her for hours. What a race. What grit and determination.

Moving on.

So, I was running on Thursday minding my own business when I spotted something along the sidewalk. Like you, I am always spotting random stuff while I run, but I rarely stop to pick it up unless it's money. And, it never is. Usually I see lots of dental picks and empty Fireball bottles. Once I saw a live parakeet and a pair of underwear (not mine. Eww).

But on Thursday, this random item caught my eye. It looked like part of someone's journal, so I picked it up. And damn if it wasn't someone's diary from 1989! I stuck it in my pocket and within a few feet found two more clumps of pages from the same journal. I took those too. In total there were about 30 pages.

I could not wait to get home to read the juicy tidbits that were surely contained in these pages. I kept a journal and it was FULL of details about romantic crushes, nights out on the town, friendships gone bad and...
For some reason, I love to hear about what other runners/endurance athletes eat. Maybe it's to get ideas, maybe it's because I'm bored, maybe it's because I want to improve my own diet. Whatever the case, I thought I'd give you a glimpse into what's in my fridge. Although I try new recipes each week, I tend to go back to the same staples. And, with these ingredients, I can pretty much concoct a healthy meal at any time.

This is my actual fridge. Guess what's in the white bowl?

1. Spinach - I buy the huge plastic tub of organic spinach. We eat a lot of it raw, but I also put it in soups, sauté it with some garlic salt, and add it to eggs. My new favorite breakfast is two scrambled eggs with a huge handful of sautéed spinach, topped with some grated white cheddar cheese and hot sauce.

2. Eggs - I cannot live without my eggs. I eat them almost every day. If not for breakfast, then egg salad for lunch or quiche for dinner. So satisfying. I tried to talk Ken into letting me get a chicken coop for the backyard. I don't know why he said no.

Disclaimer: I am not day drinking. I started this post yesterday evening. Not that day drinking is bad or anything...


If we were chatting over a glass of wine (I wish this were the case, cause right now I'm in my home office with the cat and a glass of wine = kind of pathetic, but at least I'm not drinking alone because the cat counts), I would tell you some crazy and random stuff (i.e., sh*t) that's been going on around here.

God. He's such a drunkard. Get a grip, cat. Go to C.A. (Cat's Anonymous) if you need to
If we were sharing a bottle of wine (or I could drink the bottle and you could just have water), I'd tell you that a week ago I was at home visit for work (I work with families who want to do foster care and adopt through social services - I do their home studies and certification), and I got tackled by a St. Bernard. I'm not going to say "attacked" because that implies the dog was aggressive. He was not, as far as I know. He was a one year old "puppy" with a tad too much energy. You all know I'm a dog person so when he came in the room (I was sitting on...