These are two videos of Nikon's new $1,000 Coolpix P1000 camera being put through its zooming paces by being focused on a distant high-rise building, and the moon. Admittedly, that 125X optical zoom is pretty impressive. So, you think if you zoomed that thing in as far as it can go on my eyeball you'd be able to see my soul? "Maybe if you still had one." The devil told you about that, huh? "And to win a big prize at the fair?" You don't get it, I was worried my girlfriend thought I was a loser before. "And now?" She left months ago and didn't even take the bear. Keep going for the videos.
Because some cyclists don't believe the laws of the road pertain to them, this is a video from the Racine Street Bridge in Menasha, Wisconsin on the 4th of July of a 37-year woman who bikes between the draw bridge warning gates, and immediately into a gap in the bridge. What did she think she was going to do, jump it? (I would have jumped it)
A little over a minute passes before people realize what happened and rush to her rescue. One person pulls the woman and her bike from the gap while another appears to be on the phone to officials. More people rush over to help. The bridge operator was alerted to the incident and kept the span open until the area was clear.
Thankfully, the woman wasn't crushed to death and was treated at a local hospital for only minor face injuries. Seriously though, what the hell was she doing? Did clipping the warning gate throw her off and prevent her from stopping? Did she not notice the very steep incline directly ahead? It had to have looked like a wall. I need answers because this does not make any sense. "Drunk and fearless." Say no more. Keep going for a 26 minute video of the incident from beginning to ambulance leaving and bridge reopening, but the actual fall is around 0:40.
This is a video of a fireworks-based gender reveal in Philadelphia starring two parents who decided to set the fireworks on the absolute flimsiest thing they could possibly find. In this case, a collapsable clothes drying rack. Unsurprisingly, the fireworks fall over and begin shooting at the crowd of friends and family gathered for this momentous occasion, sending them all scrambling for cover (some received minor burns, but there were no serious injures). Based on the explosion right in front of the camera, I take it they're having a baby girl, and I sincerely hope they use more sense while baby-proofing their home than they did while choosing a fireworks launchpad. Keep going for the video.
This is the $125 Straight razor warrior axe in Viking Celtic Nordic style Free Shipping original men's gift (I copied and pasted) handcrafted by Magic Ethnics and available for sale on Amazon. The functional straight razor is made from tempered steel and each comes in its own wooden storage box. Personally, I'm terrified of shaving with a straight razor, but my older brother does it, despite not being manlier than me in any way whatsoever. For the longest time growing up I actually thought he was just an aunt who lived with us. It's cool, we've always joked around like that. Hi Frank! Also, I've only had a straight razor shave at the barber's once, and I was petrified the entire time that he was going to purposefully slit my throat because my brother might have paid him to. Keep going for several more shots while my brother and I take turns texting photos of ourselves flexing to intimidate one another.
These are several videos (a launch trailer, a flight demo, and a features video) of Opener's Blackfly 'flying car'. Although it's not actually a car since it can't be driven on roads, it's more of a tiny personal aircraft that flies with eight blades attached to front and rear airfoiles. The Blackfly has already been approved for flight in the U.S. and Canada as an ultralight vehicle, may be commercially available as early as next year, and (according to Opener founder and CEO Marcus Leng) "for the price of a SUV." I don't know about you, but I'm already planning the sale of a roommate's kidney.
After 9 years, 1400+ flights, and 12000+ miles, the OPENER team is proud to introduce BlackFly: a flying vehicle that is safe, affordable, and requires no special permits to operate in the USA. BlackFly is the world's first USA-qualified ultralight all-electric fixed-wing personal vertical take-off and landing (VTOL) aircraft. Are you ready to rethink transportation?
Sweet, vertical take-off and landing. That means I should be able to land it right in my neighbor's backyard. The Blackfly is all electric, amphibious, has takeoff and landing assist, position hold (hover in place), AND cruise control. *stands up to look over cubicle walls* Wait -- are we really here? Did we actually do it? Is this....the future? "GET BACK TO WORK." One day I'm going to fly far, far away...
This is the 25-ounce Badass Horned Skull Mug (actual name, and accurate) available from Orcallo. Right now they're $37.50 marked down from $76 so if you want one you better hurry. Unfortunately, due to the delicate nature of shrunken horned skull heads, the mug is hand-wash only, and you should avoid getting soap on anything but the stainless steel interior. A small price to pay for a mug that will elicit fear from every coworker who passes me in the break room while drinking from it. "You're also holding a battle axe and screaming in people's faces." I'm guarding my lunch! "What did you bring?" Everybody else's lunches. Keep going for a bunch more shots.
To celebrate the 25th anniversary of Jurassic Park as well as promote their streaming service, UK based Now TV erected this exquisite 25-foot long statue of Jeff Goldblum in front of London's Tower Bridge, modeled after Dr. Ian Malcom's sexy lounging scene from the movie following the t-rex attack. Sure the face isn't that great, but who's looking at the face? I only have eyes for that nipple. No word if London is just one giant collective boner right now, but there's also no way that it isn't. Keep going for a few more pictures, including the shot from the movie for reference, as well as one of some people who brought folding chairs so they can just bask in all of Jeff's sensual glory.
This is the $1,300 Zodiac Crystal Toilet Brush available from Harrod's. It looks like a Fabergé egg you're gonna use to wipe diarrhea off the inside of your toilet bowl. Oh, who am I kidding, anybody with a $1,300 toilet brush isn't cleaning their own toilet, not even to save themselves the embarrassment of their housekeeper knowing they splattered everywhere and left it for them. Lending a much-needed, high-octane upgrade to everyday bathroom essentials, this handcrafted toilet brush from Zodiac is designed in bevelled, diamond-cut crystal. Complete with a chrome-finished lid, the design hails from a collection of matching accessories to give your home the five-star treatment. My favorite part is how the actual brush looks like it's the same quality as a toilet brush you could buy at a dollar store. Like they didn't spend any money to make that nicer at all. I expected the bristles to be unicorn hair or phoenix feathers or something. "This isn't a magic wand." Well for $1,300 it should be. Thanks to v, who agrees if you catch yourself actually considering a $1,300 toilet brush, it's time to admit you haven't lived in reality for quite some time.
This is an infographic (full graphic with even more info below) created by the folks at Kitchen Cabinet Kings using the water displacement method to determine the air-to-chip ratio for 14 different brands of bagged chips (plus canned Pringles). The results may surprise you. Or they might not surprise you at all. I'm definitely going to surprise you though when I jump out from around the corner of the chip aisle at the grocery store. Hoho, gotcha! Oooooh, chips and dip, nice choice, you going to a party? "Thinking about it. I see your cart's full of nothing but condoms, pudding packs, and Fruit By The Foot." *winks* I'm also going to a party. Keep going for the full infographic with even more learning to be had.
Seen here playing a celebratory game of hide-and-seek, this is a video of two dudes double-teaming a controller to perform a 1,117,544 grind trick in Tony Hawk's Underground for the Nintendo GameCube at 4:39 in the morning. If you can dream it, you can achieve it, that's the real message here. Especially with a couple close bros and enough Mountain Dew. Now I can't speak for these guys, but this was definitely the highlight of my life. Keep going for the video, but the actual trick gets landed at 2:45.
This is a video from two kayakers paddling around the Isle Of Man in the Irish Sea between England and Ireland when they discovered a little sea cave that produces a rainbow every time the tide comes in. How about that! From now on, it will be known as Rainbow Hole. "Or the Unicorn's Anus." You know my mom is starting to worry you're a bad influence on me. "And what do you think?" You're my hero. Keep going for the video while I hit up that sea cave and claim my pot of gold.
This is the $15 NACHOsaurus snack and dip dish set (previously: kinda similar plastic dinosaur taco holders). When filled with triangular nacho chips it looks like a Stegosaurus. But don't let that stop you from getting creative, you can also fill the dinosaur with pretzels, popcorn, french fries, nuts, crackers, candy -- the possibilities are practically endless! I'm going to fill mine with cocktail weenies. My only complaint is the capacity looks a little small for the amount of snacking I usually do. I can really put those cocktail weenies down. Watch out if you throw a party and have cocktail weenies at the snack table, I'm like a chipmunk with those things. "It's disgusting." My girlfriend thinks it's embarrassing. "We were at a funeral." It's what Crazy Dave would have wanted. Keep going for a couple more shots including a woman living my Friday night dream.
This is a video of a mountaintop rescue operation conducted by the Oregon Army National Guard, who sent personnel in a tandem-rotor Boeing CH-47 Chinook helicopter to retrieve a man who climbed to the summit of Mount Hood with the intention of taking his own life by overdosing on pills, as well as the six rescue climbers who were sent to bring him back down alive. By the time the climbers reached the man, warmer temperatures and melting ice preventing a safe return down the mountain, resulting in this helicopter rescue, in which the pilot backs the ass of the massive copter right into the side of the mountain. I can't even imagine what it must be like walking around with balls that big. Also, provided those steel grapefruits don't get in the way, I bet he can parallel park a car with the precision of a watchmaker. Keep going for the video.
NECA (who purchased Chia Pet last year) has just released some pictures of upcoming Chia Pet models, including Rick and Morty, The Golden Girls, Slimer, Dustin from Stranger Things, Gizmo, a Predator (who could almost pass for the Demogorgon), and Baby Groot. Obviously, they'll perfect for a white elephant/dirty Santa gift exchange gift, and that's just about all they're perfect for. "I don't know, I'd buy the Rick and Morty ones." Oh thank God, yes I want both of those and two each of all the Golden Girls, four to grow and four to keep gem mint 10 in the packaging. Keep going for a shot of the rest.
This is a video of a litter of Jack Russell Terrier puppies doing battle against a RoboRaptor robotic dinosaur toy. I'm happy to report the puppies showed great courage and successfully incapacitate the robot, rendering it helpless on its side. Good job, pups! When reached for comment about the battle, my dog said she would have done way better, but she's also a little sass-factory and has to make everything about her. "I wonder where she gets that from." I'm not going to point any fingers, but I am inconspicuously nodding my head at my girlfriend right now. Keep going for the video.
This is a short video of a flight attendant coming to the rescue of a man who's determined to smash his carry-on luggage into the overhead bin with the wrong spatial orientation using a brute force approach. Obviously, if you were on this flight, this is the last man you want to see seated in an emergency exit row. Keep going for the video while I renew my vows to never fly again.
Because everybody but warlocks have to die somehow, this is a video of a man in a recliner having an airbag deployed underneath him. The safety helmet was a good idea. Everything else was a bad idea. Keep going for the video.
This is a video from Nanyang City in China's Henan Province on a 100-degree day of a man trying to cross a street and his feet repeatedly getting stuck to the asphalt while traffic goes around him. That does not look like a fun time, and I'd be pissed if it ruined my new Jordans. I mean, if I owned a pair of Jordans, which I do not because they're so expensive. The most I've ever paid for a pair of shoes is $60, and those were dress shoes to wear to interviews and weddings. "You mean the most I've ever paid." Dang it mom, why are always trying to embarrass me in front of my friends? "Those people aren't your friends." Yes they are too! Back me up. Well? Don't worry about all answering at once if that's what you're afraid of. Keep going for the video while I crank the A/C until my dad yells at me.
Because safety dead last, a driver in King's Lynn in Norfolk, England was recently pulled over and police discovered he'd been driving while sitting on a metal bucket (wrong kind of bucket seat bro) and steering the car with a pair of locking pliers instead of a wheel. He also had a flat tire and a sense of adventure.
The battered car, which also had no front wing, bumper, headlights and a flat tyre was pulled over in King's Lynn in Norfolk. Norfolk's roads policing unit tweeted pictures of "the most un-roadworthy car" and said there were "too many offences to mention". Police said the driver has been reported to court. "Yes this was driven on a road and yes he was sitting on a bucket and steering with a pair of mole grips," officers wrote, as they posted pictures of the vehicle in Saddlebow Road.
What the hell is wrong with people? This is the sort of thing I'd expect to see in a comedy movie, not in real life. Steering with a pair of vice grips -- that's insane. He could have killed somebody. He could have killed everybody. We're lucky to be alive. Keep going for two more shots.
(above) Asteroids for Atari This is an hour compilation of video game commercials from the 1980's. There aren't really any Nintendo ones though, they're all for like Commodore and Atari and Intellivision games. The 80's were weird. I didn't watch the whole thing, but I don't really remember any of the commercials I did see. Of course my dad says I act like I was born yesterday, so I might have been, which sucks because that means my next birthday is forever away. Keep going for the video.