I am doing a large-scale conversion of a legacy website, making archival PDFs of the HTML site to store them as archival data on the new site.
Me: I just finished the PDFs and uploaded them to the dev website for testing and review.
Client: The PDFs work great! There are just a few bookmark (e.g. #CAN) links that are dead.
Me: Well, the way those kinds of links work is handled differently in each browser’s pdf viewer. The one you’re using only directs you to the top of the page the destination is on, and since the destination for some of them is on the same page, they’re effectively jumping to where they already are. There isn’t much I can do outside of just removing the links to prevent confusion on shorter PDFs.
Client: I found a fix in how we’ve addressed this before. Take a look.
The client sent me a page that had been “fixed.” It was a different issue altogether and offered no solutions.
Still, I spent a full day trying and failing to work around the browser’s own API. No luck.
Me: I tried implementing your fix and got the same behavior. Again, because the way these links work is beholden to how each browser handles them, the links won’t work any better than how each pdf viewer is coded to use them.
Client: I checked again and the pdfs are almost ready! As soon as we fix those dead links we’ll be all done!
I took a photo for a client.
They used the thumbnail rather than the actual image.
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On a Tuesday, I held a WordPress training with a client to show how he can edit his site. During the training, we went over how to add videos. I showed that he could host his own videos or embed some from YouTube or Vimeo. After letting him know the benefits of using YouTube or Vimeo, I told him that the one drawback is that you have to use YouTube or Vimeo’s interface and all of the videos will feature their logos. On Thursday evening, I received the following email:
Client: I added a YouTube video but would prefer if it played without the Youtube interface for this particular one. How can I best do that?
I was designing a website for a Public Relations agency who handle incredibly large campaigns. The client had a quirky sense of taste that clicked with me very well – all the images used were non-standard and incredibly visually powerful.
On the last run of amends before going live, the client asks to log in and change some text, which was fine… until he also changed the full-screen image based navigation to low-res, stale memes.
Client: I’ve been through every page and played around. I’ve used memes for our site buttons. I think it works nicely, all relevant, etc. Don’t know about stylising them, what do you think?
Me: (visibly shaking at seeing 20+ hrs of web design get ruined within minutes)
Me: You said the file should be 5 “MG” here. Do you mean megabytes?
Me: Ok, it should be “MB” then.
Client: No, “MG” is correct.
Me: I’m pretty sure…
Client: (speaking slowly) Me-Ga-bytes. MG.
Client: Hm, I guess it should actually be MGB.
Client: Could you please put this mail address into the spam category? I got like 50 emails from it during the last two weeks.
The “spam” was notification emails that his emails could not be sent.
Client: I want you to change this e-commerce site to look more like my old one.
Me: We built this page on a theme. I can’t just change everything about it.
Client: *proceeds to have a tantrum, threatens to sue me*
Client: Can you transfer the URL from the old site to the new one?
Me: I have no control over your old site. I didn’t have anything to do with it. If you want to do that, you need to contact your hosting service to get it switched over.
Client: Are you holding my site hostage?
Me: You know what? I’m not sure this working relationship is worth maintaining. Good luck.
At this point, she sent me an email where she called me a “sh*t dick.” She’s over 40 years old, and she called me a “sh*t dick.”
A Sales Representative requesting changes to be made by a graphic design team to an ad that was previously worked on:
Client: I don’t like the colors at the top. Please take them out and make the background white. Change the text to white, too.
Me: You want white text on a white background?
Client: It will make it look fancy and help it stand out.
Client: We want to emphasize that this program is on the cloud, and is secure, so we want a cloud-shaped padlock.
Me: This really isn’t going to make you stand out, these types of icons are everywhere nowadays.
Client: We want it to be 3D too, like a realistic 3D render of a padlock.
Me: That might make some problems for when you reproduce it at smaller scales. For instance, it would look really weird on a business card.
Client: Put our name in the little combination bits on the front.
Me: You literally won’t be able to read it.
Client: A logo needs to be eye-catching, this will be eye-catching. You’re a designer, you should know this.
I do billboards for a local attorney who has been around a long time. This year he had new headshots taken to include on his billboards. He instructed me to “take 30 years off” his headshots. After tastefully photoshopping his face to remove wrinkles, he insisted that I remove more. So I did. More! So I did. MORE! At this point, he looked like a plastic surgery nightmare.
Client: What happened to my expression? I’m supposed to look serious in this photo.
Me: Well, sir, you had me remove the crinkle from your eyebrows, which is what really helps define your expression. I suggest we add that along with some of the other expression lines back in so that we get that emotion.
Client: Can’t you keep it looking serious without any lines at all? You know what, now that I’m looking at this, it looks awful. It doesn’t even look like me! You need to make it look more like me, and make it look serious, but without any lines. Why can’t you do that?
Me: Because that’s not how people’s faces work!
Client: The size of the book needs to be changed to 8.5 X11".
Me: Ok. Taking a document that is 8x6" and converting it to 8.5x11" (nearly doubling the height of the page) is a huge change. What you’re asking for is essentially a redesign of the book. It will be a lot of work, and therefore I will need more than a week to execute it and we will also need to renegotiate the price.
Client: Ok let’s leave the size as is.
I did some video work for a client a little over a year ago. They let me go because it was “taking too long,” even though the holdups were all on their end. Today, I got an email
Client: We need the tax information for the work you did immediately! Please send it now!
Again, this was over a year ago, and they fired me for dumb reasons.
I’m not writing back.
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I’m helping a client
over the phone update an app on his Amazon Fire TV in his office. Now, this isn’t
my job, but he asked for help and I figured why not. Also, I’m not sure why you
would even HAVE an Amazon Fire TV in your office, but whatever.
Me: Ok, now just press “start” or “run” or something like that and you’re good to go.
Client: It doesn’t say start or run
Me: What does it say?
Client: Well it doesn’t say start or run!
Me: Okay so like no sign of start application? Run? Open? Anything like that?
Client: No! Nothing like that!
This goes on for about
five minutes, until…
Client: LOOK THE ONLY THING IT SAYS IS “LAUNCH APPLICATION.” NOT RUN! NOT START! NOTHING!
I was designing a menu for a pizza place. They’d misspelt “mozzarella” at several points throughout as “mossarella.” I fixed it.
Client: There are spelling errors throughout this now! Use a spell-check next time!
I’m designing an Android app for a client, a middle-aged entrepreneur. In the evening after finishing the UI and getting a go-ahead from him, he sends me a WhatsApp message with a link to Google’s Material Design guide, saying that he did some googling and we must redesign the entire app to conform to those standards.
The best part?
It already does.