One of my big, shameful secrets in my life has been that I have always cared what people think of me. A lot. It worked out great when people approved of me, but when someone disapproved, it could be a really painful experience. Sometimes, all it took was a careless comment, or even just a look to send me down the dark corridor of “unworthy thoughts.”
It wouldn’t take long to start to lose grip on the things that used to make me feel confident, or good, because if one person saw me as lacking, then who was to say that everyone else who saw me as whole and good enough, wasn’t just mistaken? Who was to say what it would take for me to be pretty enough, strong enough, or successful enough to start feeling good about myself?It could be a depressing cycle, because it didn’t take long to figure out that there was no winning in this scenario.
One word always comes to my mind for what it feels like in those moments: powerless.
For me, it was obvious when my power had been taken away. I knew it by how awful it felt; ‘I’m never enough, no matter what I say or do.’
And, it was almost more frustrating to know that I wasn’t not the only person who didn’t seem to know the big secret to self-esteem and self-love. The evidence became clear...
Have you ever judged yourself or put yourself down?
Do you ever say harsh things to yourself?
Are you the kind of person who shrugs off compliments when they’re given to you?
Well, STOP IT.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
You deserve so much more than that.
Easier said than done tho isn’t it?
Or is it…
Hi, I’m Gary and I am a Hypnotherapist and Emotional Depth Coach and I help my clients break through the limiting beliefs that are holding them back in their lives and careers.
During my time as a therapist I’ve recognised that there is one single common denominator that seems at the root of almost all my clients emotional struggles; they don’t feel good enough. I can not even begin to tell you how many times those words tumble from the lips of clients that sit in my therapy chair. In fact, it is rare for them not to be uttered.
As an ex-actor, during my training as a therapist with the world renowned Marisa Peer I decided I wanted to treat other performing artists who had suffered from a debilitating lack of self-belief and appreciation, just like I did throughout most of my teens and twenties. I hated my body, would never take my t-shirt off on holiday and right until the age of 28 was not comfortable with a partner seeing my body.
From my own journey towards self-love, acceptance and appreciation and from working with thousands...
Million Dollar Baby, the movie that stole our admiration for the determination of an over-aged Maggie, went from an underdog to a boxing hero, trained by an underrated coach from a grungy boxing gym.
You might think those things only occur in movies, but if you just look more closely around you, you will find many real-life Maggie, who are trying their best to become the person they’ve always dreamt about. In fact, you might also one of them.
The movie was a success, but it also taught us some valuable life lessons about success.Life is unfair. People play dirty. Always protect yourself
You were taught to be kind to people, to be fair and nice. You believe that it’s good to be a kind person. And you are proud of yourself for being one.
But it doesn’t mean you have to lower your guard. Because other people might not think the same way you do. Some people are willing to pay whatever the price, just to get ahead of their competitors or win a race.
Be a kind person. But at the same time, beware.Some people never had a shot in life. If you found yours, do something
As Eddie Scrap has put it, “People die every day, Frankie – moppin’ floors, washin’ dishes and you know their last thought is? I never got my shot. Because of you, Maggie got her shot. If she dies today that...
For the past twelve days, I’d been away from work, in my bed, infected by the flu. This year, as according to the CDC, nearly after a decade, has the flu been so bad. So, in a very real sense, I was in my own little version of hell- alone and really really sick in a foreign country.
One of the most significant things I realized was how your mind looses its calm and composure when you’re ill, it makes you question everything you do and every little thing that happens starts becoming a dangerous symptom to something bigger. Before you know it, you’re suddenly getting flashbacks to your childhood and how easy things were back then, as if you’re going to die and these are your last days.
Your mind, to make things worse, goes to dark places when you’re sick.
So, to prepare myself for the next time something like this happens, I made a list of things to remember when in hell- whatever that entails. I hope this helps you too, either now, or sometime in the future when you’re struggling.#1 Things can always be worse
During suffering, its easy to think that you’re the only one, that- the world has specifically chosen you to carry out its personal vendetta. At least that’s what I thought when my throbbing headache made it insanely difficult for me to get out of bed.
Fortunately, that is hardly...
Dr. Max Pemberton has been an active psychiatrist for a long time, and over his practicing, he has noticed some things regarding his patients’ behaviors, which have stuck with him over the years.
Those things are all related to a patient’s happiness level. Most people struggle to find happiness in their lives, but Dr. Max has discovered that even those who face adversity and tribulations have at least one thing to be happy about.
The trick is to find that positive thing in the negative situations.
After years of practice, Dr. Max made a list of 10 things that he believed would help people become happier. After all, it has worked for his patients; perhaps it will work for you as well.1) Stop Worrying About Everything
If we added up all the hours we spent worrying about what could happen in our lives, we would never leave our house.
Dr. Max had a patient who was worrying about things all the time. To help his patient overcome that anxiety, Dr. Max drafted a list of all the complaints that she had brought him. When they went through that list together, he pointed out that none of her worries had come true.2) Find What Really Makes You Angry
Dr. Max recounts a story of a patient who was mad at her husband because he’d never wash the dishes. They had several arguments about that. Dr. Max suggested to the patient...
ARE YOU A WARRIOR GODDESS?
Beyond all the labels, gender classifications, beliefs and stories we all carry about ourselves fluctuates two diametrically opposed, but divinely interconnected, types of energy: the masculine and the feminine.
We see, hear, feel and cultivate masculine energy everywhere. Masculine energy is hot, hard, logical, goal-orientated, proactive and externally-focused, and it pervades everything from religion, to sex, to our relationships and our work lives.
Masculine energy, or God energy, dominates our lives because its very nature is to rule, command and control. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but after centuries of bowing down to fierce “Gods,” industrializing the world, and living by aggressive, goal-orientated rules, ideals and goals, it is time for us to reclaim the power of the feminine in our lives.WHAT IS THE DIVINE FEMININE (AND WHY DOES IT MATTER)?
Feminine energy is passive, soft, abstract, intuitive and nurturing, and is embodied by the moon, the earth, water and Winter/Autumn. As a gentle but sensual frequency, feminine energy is also linked to procreation and sexuality which is precisely why it has been shunned for so many centuries due to the repressive religious values of the masculine Patriarchal church fathers.
Divine Feminine energy, or Goddess energy, is a subtle yet immensely vital source of energy in our lives. Without it, we are out of touch with our bodies, our emotions, our dreams, and our mother earth. Without it, we live lives...
OUR TWIN FLAMES, OR TWIN SOULS, ARE SAID TO BE OUR PERFECT VIBRATIONAL MATCHES IN THIS WORLD. WE UNITE WITH OUR TWIN FLAMES TO EXPERIENCE SOULFUL TRANSFORMATION AND THE FULFILMENT OF OUR PERSONAL POTENTIALS IN THIS LIFE.
However, connecting with our Twin Flames is an intense, overwhelming and sometimes excruciating experience. This is because it riles up old fears, wounds and ego blockages. As a result, every Twin Flame relationship eventually experiences what we refer to as the “runner and chaser” dynamic.
This period of life is both complex and extremely distressing for both partners who, deep down, simply desire Union.WHAT IS THE TWIN FLAME RUNNER AND CHASER DYNAMIC?
When we think about the Twin Flame relationship in terms of stages, the Runner and Chaser dynamic represents stage six. It is preceded by a level of immense inner turmoil as personality differences, egos and old core wounds flare up. Eventually, as tensions rise to an explosive level, the only “way out” is to try and escape from the relationship in some shape or form. This process of distancing or “running” can be either physical or psychological, or both.
Often running away from the intense love within a Twin Flame relationship involves returning back to an ex-partner, travelling, silent treatments, constant arguments, workaholism or simply leaving for no clear reason.
In this stage, the Runner often represents the more wounded “younger” soul, and the Chaser often represents the more mature “older” soul. In other words, while one partner is...
Meet Tim. Tim did what the majority of people did. He grew up in a happy neighborhood. He had friends and girlfriends, a family who loved him and a endless list of opportunities to shape his life the way he wanted. Tim went through high school as many of us did. He also graduated from college and was destined for a picture perfect life in conventional senses.
However there was a gnawing feeling within Tim. He fulfilled his parents and other people’s expectations of him. He got a degree and now possessed a well payed job.
But still after fulfilling all these things it didn’t make him feel fulfilled.
It’s a great list of achievements but that’s all it is, a list of achievements. He started to feel empty. He didn’t look forward to yet another day at the office. He felt this wasn’t what he was suppose to do for the rest of his life. This wasn’t suppose to be his life work. His legacy to the world.
Tim wanted change. Not just out of boredom, but to pursue a burning passion that he haven’t quite found yet. But he knew how to find it and that was taking time to explore not only the world, but himself.
What Tim feels is something many of us go through. We’ve let society and others shape our lives and only when we’ve in it too far do we realize “wait a minute....
How do you reconcile the utter madness of the world with the overwhelming joy of being alive in it?
Paradox: a situation, person, or thing that combines contradictory features or qualities.”
Without question we live in interesting times. The deception, insanity and turmoil in our world has no end, yet when we tune in very closely to life’s pulse, we find softness and connection open to us at every step. These contradictory features of the human experience point to the dualistic nature of the universe, but ultimately offer a glimpse of a middle way, the center, where harmony resides in a sea of chaos. A seeming, but natural paradox.
When people find one thing beautiful,
another consequently becomes ugly.
When one man is held up as good,
another is judged deficient.
Similarly, being and nonbeing balance each other;
difficult and easy define each other;
long and short illustrate each other;
high and low rest upon one another;
voice and song meld into harmony;
what is to come follows upon what has been.”
~Tao Te Ching 2
This is what personal awakening means. To create a harmonious relationship with your own life. To solve the paradox. Have you experienced any of these 3 extraordinary paradoxes of personal awakening?1. The Awakening is Triggered by Fear and Supported by Love
Like an invading virus triggers the immune system, fear triggers the awakening. War, strife, turmoil, conspiracy, control, death, suffering, theft, abuse. This is the world we have created for ourselves. The toll of such heaviness manifests as a...
We didn’t get to be this age without learning a few things along the way. Many grandparents are “younger” than their ages would lead you to believe. Here are a few ways to stay even younger, sharper and more fit as you add years to your life.
You can begin these “anti-age” tools at any age.1. Be a little more courageous.
Taking small risks, such as speaking up at work or going to a movie alone, can lead to more courageous acts, such as asking for a raise or traveling by yourself. Practicing small, consistent acts of courage can reduce fear, enhance self-esteem and increase happiness.2. Take a different route to work or home.
Do something new or different each day. This will stimulate different parts of your brain, again helping you keep more of your mental faculties.3. Brush your teeth with the other hand.
See #2. Stand on one leg while you brush. Switch half way through. This improves your balance, which we all need more of as we get older.4. Floss while you watch TV.
EVERY EVENING—to keep your teeth and gums healthy. Or as my dentist says, “You don’t have to floss each tooth every day—just the ones you want to keep.”5. Paint a wall or a room a beautiful color.
Many people are afraid of color in their homes. Try one. Guess what? If you don’t like it-you can paint over it.6. Complete something that...
If you’re anything like me, you’ve lived with depression for the majority of your life and may have begun to accept it as a normal aspect of daily existence. You have spent many days waking up, throwing on some sweatpants, eating something easy (or maybe not), showering (or maybe not) and watching TV until the 6 o’clock news reminds you that it’s probably time to eat something again. Let me tell you, although I’m probably not the first to do so, that depression is not a normal part of daily existence. At least, it doesn’t have to be. You can overcome this, or possibly feel a little bit less awful. Here’s how.Accept that your life is not sustainable or enjoyable as it is
The first of the twelve steps in the AA program is to admit that your life has become unmanageable, and that’s essentially what you’re doing here. The mountains of dirty laundry, the cancelled plans and even the unwashed hair: all of this is not sustainable. You cannot continue your life like this if you wish to be a happy, fulfilled person (which I know that you do). You aren’t enjoying living life like this, so why not start creating a life that you will enjoy? It may seem impossible, but by admitting that your current depression is not sustainable, you’re taking the first step to making a change.Tell someone
This is the most useful thing that I have ever done in my recovery from depression. The act of...
“What is real? How do you define real? If you’re talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.” ~Morpheus, The Matrix
Ever get the feeling that reality isn’t really what we think it is?
The further science, technology and human evolution take us the more questions we have about the nature of reality and the role of consciousness. Is this a hologram or an illusion? Are we dreaming or in a simulation? Do we shift between parallel universes as we make different choices? And what of the spiritual dimensions? Are human beings really just a single unified cosmic consciousness experiencing itself from billions of points of isolated and limited perception? Does anyone know for sure?
Few are privy to the secrets of reality, but the journey of awakening begins when one starts questioning everything. Whether it be the big global conspiracies, secret societies, the corporate control matrix, big pharma and the medical cartel, the banking establishment, the shape of the earth, or the purpose of life, the journey is at first an inquisition.
Along the way you notice ways in which approaching life with an open-mind changes you, and how it turns long-held beliefs and assumptions upside down, forever altering your perception and relation to it all.1. You Realize that Patterns and Programs Govern Everything and...
HAVING A MARTYR COMPLEX IS LIKE HAVING A GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD.
It allows you to evade guilt and shame, bypass self-responsibility, and perhaps most importantly (and tragically), it allows you to dodge real life self-growth. Having a martyr complex essentially involves pointing the finger at other people or situations in your life and blaming them for your illnesses, disappointments, crushed dreams, and emotional turmoil.
So what is a Martyr? Do you have a Martyr in your life? And most importantly, do you tend to exhibit Martyrdom?FIRSTLY, WHAT IS A MARTYR?
Traditionally a martyr is understood as a person who is willing to die for their country, religion or beliefs. These days, a martyr refers to a person who unnecessarily sacrifices themselves for others, while ignoring their own needs.WHAT IS A MARTYR COMPLEX?
What is a martyr complex? A martyr complex is a destructive pattern of behavior in which a person habitually seeks suffering or persecution as a way to feel “good” about themselves. We all have the capacity to be martyrs, but martyr complex sufferers adopt this as a daily role, often to the detriment of their relationships.
Having a martyr complex is a way of life as it taints every interaction a person has towards others and their role in the world. I say this because I have not only personally wrestled with a martyr complex in the past, but in the present, I...
When I think of the products and services I use time and time again, the branding does not immediately stand out as a reason why I buy them. Let’s talk deodorant for a moment, shall we? It’s very important that my deodorant keeps me dry while I’m working out. I also appreciate that it was not tested on animals and that my kids can pronounce each of the ingredients on the list. It’s not the branding, it’s the benefits… right?
How many other natural deodorants do you think also have similar ingredient lists? How many are also not tested on animals? How many come in pretty packaging? There are six others in my store alone. Yet, something about this product caught my eye and convinced me to put it in the cart that first time.
Now when I go to the store to buy deodorant, I purchase deodorant on an almost-subconscious level of recognition. Push cart down isle. Pluck product from shelf. Move to next isle. I rarely even look at other options. The competitor’s deodorant doesn’t stand a chance in my house.
This product recognition would not be possible without successful branding.
As business owners, we should brand our entire business for customer recognition in the same way as we brand individual products or services. Business branding communicates volumes to your customers about who you are, who you serve, and why...
Do you want to travel more but can’t find the time?
Good news, you don’t have to quit your job to travel. What you need is to leverage the time you have off and use it more efficiently and make it a priority! Because we all know when you really want to do something or see someone you find a way to create more time to make it happen.
So here are 7 tips to help you create more time to squeeze in more travel into your life.1. Take Your Vacation Days
Sounds easy enough, but studies show that many people have a ‘work martyr complex.’ where by when we take vacation days it shows that we are taking way our badge of honor of being a hard worker.
Reality Check. You can work hard and play hard. You can find ways to be more productive and work more efficiently so that you can manage it when you come back from holidays. Work will always be there and it is replaceable but your health, spirit and family and friends are not.
So use your vacation day to create balance in your life. Don’t wait until you are burned out. Take time off to recharge and get fresh perspectives helping you up-level your productivity and A-game back at work.2. Understand your benefits
Learn about how your company differentiates between your vacation days, sick days and personal days. Whether you can...
Genuine smiles remind us of our true nature, on the deepest level possible. Just like laughter that comes straight from the belly, they remind us what it feels like to be an authentic human being.Where do smiles come from?
Who can really say where smiles come from?
The bubbling well of life’s vital force bubbles up from within and splashes out onto a face for everyone to see. Smiles are part of who we are, at the very core.
It’s easy to get hung up on trying to become more spiritual, more awakened and more enlightened. Smiles remind us that it’s not as complicated as we like to pretend. Enlightenment and the awakened states are natural and intuitive. Just like smiling, we can’t really force it.
It’s true that we have to work on ourselves, but the ‘work’ part is more about staying alert—in our minds and hearts—to negative patterns that stand in the way. When we drop those, what remains is our natural state—the smile, and the deep feeling of serenity and connectedness to everything.
From where does this delight come when you are not doing anything? It comes from nowhere, or, it comes from everywhere. It is uncaused, because the existence is made of the stuff called joy. It needs no cause, no reason. If you are unhappy you have a reason to be unhappy; if you are happy you are simply happy—there is no reason for it. Your mind tries to find a reason because it cannot believe...
One must read lots of books to live a better life. But one must also become “street smart” and learn as many communication skills as he can. In fact, skills like negotiation and persuasion are so valuable that a tycoon like Warren Buffet chose to hang the public-speaking certificate he received from Carnegie`s Institute in his office instead of his Colombia diploma. For that, I have researched and listed seven tips you can use today to improve your negotiation skills and get better in life. Here they are..Prepare for surprises
Good negotiators know they have to be ready for possible surprises; great negotiators aim to use their skills to reveal the surprises they are certain exist,” writes Chriss Voss, bestselling author and former FBI hostage negotiator.
Voss believes that a good negotiator should engage every negotiation with a discover mindset in which they create multiple hypotheses about the different wants and needs that the other person may have. They should then use all the information that comes their way to test and exclude all false hypotheses until they have a better understanding of the whole situation and avoid being surprised or trapped into a corner.
For those people who view negotiation as a battle of arguments, it’s the voices in their own head that are overwhelming them. When they’re not talking, they’re thinking about their arguments, and when they are talking,...
When besieged by suffering caused by an illness or injury, we yearn for relief. This is the case regardless of if the ailment is physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. When hope wanes leaving only the smallest of lights, the remaining vestige of optimism is wrapped around a kernel of wishing for the ease of torment.
It’s in our nature to survive. Resignation rarely wins over for long. Soon from somewhere deep inside comes the dragon, maw open.
What we do with this primal life force, this ultimate will to triumph over suffering, is less straightforward. We can grasp at any possibility for health, taking whatever aid is offered. We may turn inwards and stoke the fire praying to burn out the impurity. We might lean into the illness and start excavating the wound. Dissolution of the very cells of our being could overcome us in a tidal wave. It looks different every time.
The way to wellness has its own prescription and will take whatever path it chooses, direct or winding. The trouble is that our mind wants in. We can’t help but wrestle for control and ask why. We need reasons. We need answers. We need to understand how this is going to work and what we can do. If only we could hasten the flow and avoid the setbacks.
This is where it’s important to make a distinction between healing and cure.
The definition of cure...
Regular readers of this blog are probably familiar with the Rule of 3. It’s where, at the start of each day, you decide the three things you want to have accomplished by day’s end. It’s my favorite productivity tactic, and the benefits of implementing it are profound.
I recently discovered a way to level up even further with this rule: by focusing on the process of achieving my daily goals, rather than the end results. Let me explain.
Let’s say you want to write a non-fiction book. The process of writing a book is simple: once you’ve settled on a structure that will house your thoughts, you sit down, day after day, putting words to the page and filling in that framework. It’s a messy, complicated process that’s relatively simple in execution when you put in the time and attention.
Let’s pretend that, in the middle of writing this book, one of your three daily intentions is to “finish chapter 3.”
The problem with this intention is that it isn’t actionable—it doesn’t have metaphorical handles you can grip. The same goes with other generic goals, such as “lose five pounds this month” and “train for a marathon.” These goals are better than nothing, but they don’t define any course of action.
Process goals, on the other hand, do. A “process goal” is when you set out a pathway to achieve what you want. Goals of...
When speaking about relationships, we usually discuss what would make somebody a good boyfriend or girlfriend. However, what often goes overlooked, is what it really means to be ready for a loving relationship.
It doesn’t matter if you find the woman or man of your dreams if you aren’t ready to be with them. It also brings about the chance of the harsh truth that they might not be interested in you in return if you are not in the right place emotionally.
Here are 10 signs that you are indeed ready for a relationship:1) You don’t have unrealistic expectations anymore.
When you do not expect your partner to be perfect, then you know you’re ready to find true love. You accept your partner with their flaws, because you know that’s part of their originality.2) Your love invigorates and re-energizes you.
Regardless of how tiring or bad your day has been, if you meet your partner and immediately feel relieved from seeing and embracing your partner, then it is probably true love. Also, if you actually feel more energetic when you spend with your partner, that is an even stronger sign.3) Your feelings make sense.
If you feel like you don’t want to be without your boyfriend/girlfriend unnecessarily, and if you suddenly realize that they complete your happiness in life, then you can tell for sure that you are in a truly loving relationship, although these feelings would...